To be honest, I’m feeling a bit ashamed of myself, after my last outburst. It was petty and out of order. I have privately been called a Davist, and I would like to take this opportunity to point out that I am in no way a Davist, and do not judge anyone by the lack of colour of their name. Ironically, the guy who accused me of being a Davist was, of course, called Dave, and he had this huge, grey face, like an angler fish, stank like an orc’s underpants and was, in short, a total cunt. When he walked across to me in the café I knew immediately that he was a Dave. What I didn’t realise is that he was one of the 7 people to have read my unfortunate blog. Since this incident, from which I was lucky to escape with my eyebrows, I have been stopping anyone in the street, or elsewhere, that I think looks like a cunt. Here are the findings.
I hope you can make it all out. I had originally created it in a Word doc, but this wouldn't import into blogger, so I had to print screen and turn it into a jpg and then import it as a picture. OK, the quality is poor, but hopefully it's enough to highlight some of my skills to any potential employers that may consider me for an alternative role to screenwriting.
As you can see, over half of them were called Dave, and now I’m starting to get freaked out by all this. So I do some more research.
- The most hated man in the U.K. is called Dave. Surname Cameron. You might’ve heard of him.
- Michelangelo once did a famous statue called ‘Dave’ that had a very small willy.
- Dave is the patron saint of Wales.
- Many people have had to change their names from Dave to get ahead. These include David Bowie, David Icke and Barack Obama.
- Bono’s middle name is Dave.
A coincidence? You decide.
Anyway, I’ve decided to partition my blog from now, as the lines are getting blurrier. The main one will be my screenwriting journal, where every week I give myself an exciting new challenge, to help me to get ahead in the business and to move from A-hole to A-lister! This week I’m going to be writing hilarious messages to famous people on twitter. Hopefully some of them will pay off and I’ll get a gig or two out of it. Elsewhere you will be able to find rants, movie reviews and excerpts from my work.
Word of Warning highlighted red. It might take a bit of time for this transition to take place, as I now have anger management classes on Wednesday afternoons, when I would normally be writing my blog, and will also have to learn new skills to implement the changes. Wish me luck, I'm about to get balls deep in html!