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Wednesday, 28 September 2011

New Mexican Film Claims Proof of Aliens

Gartholomites take heed -  there's a new Mexican documentary coming out soon claiming to have proof that aliens visited the ancient Mayan civilisation. Exciting!

The evidence is to be found not only in Mexico, but also in Guatemala, and possibly elsewhere in the range of the ancient head lopping motherfucker's empire. Apparently they built landing bays, the works. Here's a link to the article. http://goo.gl/5Ldjv

Could it be that this is just a cynical and cheap publicity stunt, in the manner of The 4th Kind or Blair Witch?

Of course it fucking is.

Oh right, yeah, of course, an advanced alien culture visited ancient Mexico, it's obvious. How else did they know to build the pyramids?

Hey man, how the fuck do we build something bigger than four feet? Fuck knows. Ok, let's just live in the jungle, in mud huts or something. Cool, I like being rained on anyway, it's fun. Holy shit, who are these big eyed freaks hovering this way? I dunno but I sure hope they speak Mayan.

Wow, they do, must be those weird fish in their ears.

Hey, crazy primitive, cannibalistic Earthlings, how's it going?

Not bad.

Cool, we've come from the stars.


Yeah, would you like us to teach you stuff?

Dunno, like what?

Man, we know so much shit - we can teach you about culture, language, technology - man we could teach you how to travel through space and time if you like? It will be so cool, we could meet up on the moons of Alpha centauri! We can teach you how to be at one with the entire universe - it's very cool - but stop all that decapitation bullshit - the galactic authorities will frown upon it.

Hmm, nah, you're ok. But do you know how to build stuff higher than four foot?

Course we do - ok, let's build a thousand foot high gravity defying tower block!

Hmm, you're ok, what about something a bit more shit looking, in keeping with our current technology.

We travel all the way across the fucking universe and you're not interested in any of our cool stuff -  fuck you, you stretchy headed fuckwits, we're off.

But we'll leave you one piece of knowledge - if you get all those stone head chopping boards and arrange them in a square, then build incrementally smaller squares on top, eventually they will meet at the top and you will have invented a pyramid.

Yeah, that must be it.


  1. That's one of the funniest things I've ever read. Well done!!! :)

  2. this is the most moronic article.. aspiring screenwriter is right.. I bet YOU WILL NEVER EVER MAKE IT AS A SCREENWRITER as your IQ is so low

  3. Wow Roy, I sense some hostility there. All I can recommend is that you tell your head of year about those nasty boys, and for God's sake take vitamin supplements, particularly potassium, as excessive onanism is debilitating, even at your tender age.

    You might also want to think about being less of a cock end.

  4. Just curious, when you're wrong, do you admit it?

  5. Mate I was born wrong, and I can admit to that, so it's all downhill from there. Of course the proof of that is self evident, whereas proof of aliens in Mexico is...